Because the whole applying for citizenship thing is confusing, and I don't want to leave. Several things: I'm aware that marriage isn't a 100% foolproof method of getting citizenship*; I should be revising for my last exam; I feel the passage of time robbing me of every precious moment here; and I'm pretty sure this sentence isn't punctuated correctly.
The other night I booked my last and final National Express shuttle to Heathrow. I did not check the "return trip" box and felt my throat knot up. To remedy said knot, I pulled a Rekorderlig out of the fridge and promptly started sipping on it.
It's really funny how the grass always looks greener on the other side. There were numerous times this trip when an English person would ask why we would ever leave California as if it were this exotic paradise. I'm pretty sure they're all thinking of Southern California where winter never actually happens and cue every image of Baywatch and Rodeo Drive and the parade of celebrities. Yeah, whatever. My experience in SoCal has always been far from that stereotype, and maybe I'm doing something wrong, but I've yet to run into any celebrities. There are moments when I really really like SoCal and a lot more moments where it just puts me off. I love NorCal, but I think growing up there has made me want to leave it. Apparently I have this affinity for leaving everything I love and making myself very unhappy. Haha.
To the people who ask why I would leave California, I don't know. I just really love it here. The weather sucks more than half the time, and the food is unimpressive. But when the sun shines, you really feel it. It's not just sun, it's a friggin' gift from God when the sun shines here. There is a designated time to drink exorbitant amounts of tea and consume mountains of pastries. Have you had clotted cream? You should. It's like butter's more amiable and sweet cousin. Even butter tastes better here, and I don't like butter. It's like the entire country makes up for not having decent Mexican food, Korean barbecue, and pho with their dairy products and pastries. There are wildflowers everywhere, and there aren't just dandelions. I could pick a whole bouquet of things here and stick them in my room and they'd look like I actually spent money on them. Pubs are a thing. What's the difference between a pub and a bar? In my limited experience, a pub always feels more cosy and somewhere you can post it with a group of friends and have a nice conversation over pub food. Clubbing: there is still some semblance of consent when it comes to dancing. Like at least some sort of maintained eye contact seems to be the go ahead here whereas at home, I could be having a great time with my buds and - whoa who are you and why is your crotch furiously trying to rub a hole into my dress?
Maybe I really enjoy being here because I have an excuse to be really dumb and clueless all the time. I don't know. Don't get me wrong. I am a Californian, born and bred. For all its little nuances and rough spots, I wouldn't be able to stay away forever. I'd just like to stay here for a little longer. Maybe three or five more years. You know?
Anyway, had a great last weekend. UCEAP had its final event, high tea at the National Galleries and a trip to the London Eye. It was really nice, but the whole experience left me feeling a little blue after Holly and Monika gave their cute little goodbye speech. It was really weird watching them deliver it. I can very clearly remember arriving at the London Study Centre feeling really lost, not remembering names, and them telling us about this whole program and blah blah blah. Historically, I've never been good at saying goodbyes and generally, they leave me feeling like a mess and maybe I have some really repressed memories about goodbyes that I have yet to address that make me feel like an empty black hole has taken residency inside me. Just kidding, but I don't like goodbyes. They make me feel really anxious. But I promise it was a great weekend. I went out with Danielle and her flatmates, watched some guys from King's College act stupid at a bar, went to Thomas Knights' Red Hot exhibition (and if you know me, you know this was like going to Disneyland for me), and other things. So as I stumbled around London in my very cute but not meant for walking booties, I tried soaking it all in to stockpile all the feelgoods that will have to last me until the next time.
* If you're a tall, handsome ginger-haired Brit I would still love to meet you.
The other night I booked my last and final National Express shuttle to Heathrow. I did not check the "return trip" box and felt my throat knot up. To remedy said knot, I pulled a Rekorderlig out of the fridge and promptly started sipping on it.
It's really funny how the grass always looks greener on the other side. There were numerous times this trip when an English person would ask why we would ever leave California as if it were this exotic paradise. I'm pretty sure they're all thinking of Southern California where winter never actually happens and cue every image of Baywatch and Rodeo Drive and the parade of celebrities. Yeah, whatever. My experience in SoCal has always been far from that stereotype, and maybe I'm doing something wrong, but I've yet to run into any celebrities. There are moments when I really really like SoCal and a lot more moments where it just puts me off. I love NorCal, but I think growing up there has made me want to leave it. Apparently I have this affinity for leaving everything I love and making myself very unhappy. Haha.
To the people who ask why I would leave California, I don't know. I just really love it here. The weather sucks more than half the time, and the food is unimpressive. But when the sun shines, you really feel it. It's not just sun, it's a friggin' gift from God when the sun shines here. There is a designated time to drink exorbitant amounts of tea and consume mountains of pastries. Have you had clotted cream? You should. It's like butter's more amiable and sweet cousin. Even butter tastes better here, and I don't like butter. It's like the entire country makes up for not having decent Mexican food, Korean barbecue, and pho with their dairy products and pastries. There are wildflowers everywhere, and there aren't just dandelions. I could pick a whole bouquet of things here and stick them in my room and they'd look like I actually spent money on them. Pubs are a thing. What's the difference between a pub and a bar? In my limited experience, a pub always feels more cosy and somewhere you can post it with a group of friends and have a nice conversation over pub food. Clubbing: there is still some semblance of consent when it comes to dancing. Like at least some sort of maintained eye contact seems to be the go ahead here whereas at home, I could be having a great time with my buds and - whoa who are you and why is your crotch furiously trying to rub a hole into my dress?
Maybe I really enjoy being here because I have an excuse to be really dumb and clueless all the time. I don't know. Don't get me wrong. I am a Californian, born and bred. For all its little nuances and rough spots, I wouldn't be able to stay away forever. I'd just like to stay here for a little longer. Maybe three or five more years. You know?
Anyway, had a great last weekend. UCEAP had its final event, high tea at the National Galleries and a trip to the London Eye. It was really nice, but the whole experience left me feeling a little blue after Holly and Monika gave their cute little goodbye speech. It was really weird watching them deliver it. I can very clearly remember arriving at the London Study Centre feeling really lost, not remembering names, and them telling us about this whole program and blah blah blah. Historically, I've never been good at saying goodbyes and generally, they leave me feeling like a mess and maybe I have some really repressed memories about goodbyes that I have yet to address that make me feel like an empty black hole has taken residency inside me. Just kidding, but I don't like goodbyes. They make me feel really anxious. But I promise it was a great weekend. I went out with Danielle and her flatmates, watched some guys from King's College act stupid at a bar, went to Thomas Knights' Red Hot exhibition (and if you know me, you know this was like going to Disneyland for me), and other things. So as I stumbled around London in my very cute but not meant for walking booties, I tried soaking it all in to stockpile all the feelgoods that will have to last me until the next time.
* If you're a tall, handsome ginger-haired Brit I would still love to meet you.
Love this. "I love NorCal, but I think growing up there has made me want to leave it. Apparently I have this affinity for leaving everything I love and making myself very unhappy." <-- me exactly haha
ReplyDeleteIt becomes this weird cycle of refinding the things that make you happy. hahaha.
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